Don't Drink and Park

I was walking across East 4th Street recently, when I saw this terrible parking job:

Terrible parking job.

Not only is he on the sidewalk, not only is he in front of a fire hydrant, but he hit the fire hydrant:

Hit the fire hydrant.

East Villagers can't park.

Wet Paint

I was walking across East 7th Street recently, when I saw this Wet Paint sign taped to a tree: 

Taped to a tree.

It's time to paint the trees again!

Weed For Sale?

Things are looking pretty bad for East Village weed sellers: 

Weed for sale.

No one was manning this table — no one was even near it! 

Maybe he off getting high?

Tree Riders NYC

Once again, the winner of the Best Christmas Trees At The Best Prices Award goes to the beloved Tree Riders NYC, on Second Avenue, in front of Saint Mark's Church:

The beloved Tree Riders NYC.

Despite ridiculously-high prices everywhere else in the East Village, I bought a 3-foot-plus tree here for the low, low price of $40!

I recommend Tree Riders NYC for all your Christmas tree needs.

That is all.

This is not a trash can

I was at the intersection of Avenue A and East 9th Street recently, when I saw this discarded onion atop a sewer grate that has been designated not a trash can:

Not a trash can.

Somebody needs to tell the owner of this onion to remove it from this sewer grate!

Baby Christmas Trees

Whereas today is the sixth day of Christmas, the day of six geese a-laying, it is unlikely you will be able to purchase one of these baby Christmas trees, previously sold outside the beloved Village Farm Grocery, on Second Avenue:

Baby Christmas trees.

These are the sort of trees you buy, don't decorate, then throw away the day after Christmas, along with the stand, as can be seen in this picture, taken the day after Christmas, on the corner of Avenue B and East 7th Street:

Throw-away baby Christmas tree.

I'm not sure if the chair is from the same apartment or not. Probably, since anyone who throws away a perfectly good Christmas tree stand would probably throw away a perfectly good chair just because a wheel fell off!

The Bad New Days

People ask me, they say “Hey East Village Today, is it true things are returning to the the bad old days™ of yore?”

I tell them: “Of course not, silly! The conditions that brought about the bad old days of the 80s and 90s do not exist today — this is not a return to the bad old days, but is a step forward, into the bad new days!"

Behold, as seen on East 4th Street, on Halloween:

Burned out car.

Here is a view from behind:

View from behind.

Here is a view from the front:

View from the front.

It's really amazing that the flyer put under the windshield wiper blade, expressing shock and anger that the East River Park is undergoing renovation, didn't burn!

Didn't burn.

It's a miracle!

Syringe Alert

Life has become treacherous for East Villagers in the past couple of years. It's bad enough that we have to watch out for maskless junkies, we also have to watch out for their carelessly discarded syringes!

This one was discarded in Tompkins Square Park, in November:

Discarded syringe.

This one was jettisoned on Second Avenue, in early December:

Jettisoned syringe.

These were abandoned beside the beloved Abe Lebewohl Park, outside the beloved St. Mark's Church, also on Second Avenue, also in December:

Abandoned syringes.

Luckily, East Villagers all wear combat boots, and look down at their feet when they walk! 

The Down-lier

Just when you think you've seen it all!

I was walking to work last week, when I saw a man walk from the corner of First Avenue and East 9th Street into the middle of the intersection and lie down!

Lying down in the middle of the intersection.

He saw me watching him. I gestured with both hands for him to get up. He reached out his hand, as if he wanted me to help him.

There was no way I was going to walk out into traffic to pick up some guy who just walked out there and laid down. It's like a wild animal with rabies, it's better to stay clear.

A couple of people who didn't see him walk out there passed by and escorted him back to the sidewalk. They probably have Covid-19 now!

Chess Tables Off-Limits

No one knows when this happened, but the chess tables in Tompkins Square Park, by the Avenue A and East 7th Street entrance, are off-limits: 

Off limits.

It probably has to do with Covid-19. Too many drug addicts and alcoholics were not wearing their masks! They're a libertarian bunch, after all.

Covid-19 Testing Tent

When you leave any other park in New York City, it is recommended that you wash your hands. When you leave Tompkins Square Park, it is recommended that you get tested for Covid-19!

As you can see from the picture, no one is waiting to be tested at this testing tent on East 7th Street:

No one waiting. 

I would not trust a Covid-19 testing tent outside of Tompkins Square Park!

Emerging

I was walking through Tompkins Square Park today, when I saw a bicycle left unattended outside the men's room.

As I was taking a picture of it, a man began to emerge:

A man emerging.

It turns out he was not the owner of the bicycle.

What does the men's room in Tompkins Square Park look like, you ask?

Prepare yourself.

Inside the Tompkins Square Park men's room.

It's not for the faint of heart!

Two Cups on a Fence

I was walking up Avenue A this afternoon, when I saw these two cups on the fence that surrounds Tompkins Square Park: 

Two cups on the fence.

Seeing trash discarded so carefully is not surprising; East Villagers are adept at stacking trash.

What is surprising is that the wind, or some passing miscreant, didn't knock them down!

It makes me think these had just been placed there, only moments before.

Wire Hangers

There was a time when a site such as this would have indicated that a back-alley abortionist was put out of business:

Out of business.

Of course, that was before my time!

These days, so many discarded dry-cleaner hangers, outside of no dry cleaning establishment, could only mean one thing: some couple broke up.

Yup, one of the two would not throw away the hangers — probably wouldn't throw away anything — and now they separated, and the one who is keeping the apartment got rid of the hangers.

Here is a close-up:

Close-up.

Wait a minute… is that a fetus?

Rocks on the Stump

I was walking through Tompkins Square Park yesterday, when I saw something strange. Someone had placed rocks on the stump that is all that remains of the tree that blew down back in July!

Behold:

Rocks on the stump.

As if that wasn't strange enough, today they were gone!

Rocks gone.

Who does this kind of thing?

Wasted Booze

I was walking up Avenue A this afternoon, when I saw this unfinished bottle of booze on the fence:

On the fence. 

Who doesn't finish this quantity of booze?! It's not even a shot!

East Village Today Reboot

The East Village Today blog began in 2014 as an effort to promote awareness of East Village coolness today, as opposed to the bad old days of the 80s and 90s. It was highly successful, but that was seven years ago! So much has changed in that time. 

Probably the most important change is that some fucking Ukrainian stole my domain name! OK, I wasn't keeping up with my email, so I missed the repeated warnings from Go Daddy that my domain name was about to expire, but that doesn't mean it's OK to take it.

Look at this:

The Ukraine.

This is where my domain name resides now! It's so far away, the East Village isn't even on the map!